Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "Essentially our entire socio-economic system is what we call a 'pyramid scheme', also known as a 'Poncey scheme' or a 'bunch of ponces'.
"All types of credit and investments are, of course, based on utter lies. Meanwhile everything you buy in the shops is worth about one tenth what you paid for it and bears no relation to the advert, which was obviously a lie from start to finish.
"All the major professions are lying to you constantly, your friends despise you, there was no Jesus, there is no global warming and there was no moon landing. But it wasn't faked either, work that one out.