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"Listen chum, I believe that a 14 year-old girl got pregnant by the 'Holy Spirit' and that the child was the Son of God and also God at the same time, whatever that means."
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The Pontiff added: "It doesn't take some kind of genius Pope to work out that your problems are based on a weak regulatory system and excessive government debt, both of which have been your responsibility for 11 and a half years.
"Not your fault? Get the fuck out of my office."
