The European Union Commissioners have announced that agreement has finally been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communication, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the final negotiations however, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k." Not only will this kleanup konfusion, but type-writers kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like fotograf" 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Government will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the forth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil have a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no more trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.